Written in 1933 by Daniil Kharms, and adapted to English by yours truly. Unlike some of his other pieces, this one requires very little explanation to anybody who's ever had to write a letter. 

Letter #11

Dear Nikander Andreevich,


I received your letter and realized at once that it was from you. At first, I thought that it might not be from you, but as soon as I opened it, I realized immediately that it was from you, although for a second there I was ready to think that maybe it wasn't really from you.

I'm very glad to hear that you got married, because when a man gets married to someone he wanted to marry, he can say that he has at last achieved his personal goals. And so I am very glad that you got married, because when a man does get married to someone he wanted, that means that he has indeed achieved his personal goals.

Yesterday, I received your letter and at once thought that this letter was from you. But then I thought, well, it could be that it isn't from you. Yet upon opening it, I saw – yes, definitely from you. You've done a very good thing, writing to me. For a while you haven't written, and now suddenly you wrote, although a while ago, before the period of not writing – you also used to write.

When I got your letter, I at once, immediately, realized that it was from you. Also, I am very glad that you already got married. That's because when a man wants to marry, he definitely has to get married no matter what. And so I am very glad that you finally have married that very person whom you wanted to marry anyway. And it was a very good thing that you wrote to me. I was very excited when I saw your letter and at once thought that it was from you. Truth be told, while I was opening the envelope, I thought that perhaps it wasn't from you, but then I realized that it had to be from you. Thank you for writing. I am very grateful that you wrote, and I am very glad for you. Perhaps you are confused why I would be so glad for you, but I can tell you right now: I am glad for you so much because you went and got married, and even married that same person you wanted to marry. I can tell you, you know, that it is very important to marry exactly the person whom you want to marry, because then you finally achieve your personal goals.

So that's the whole reason why I'm so glad for you. And of course, I'm also glad that you wrote me this letter. Even from far away, I'd decided that the letter was from you, but then when I picked it up, suddenly thought: what if it isn't from you? But then thought: no, of course it's from you. And while opening the letter, I kept thinking: is it from you or isn't it? Is it from you or isn't it? And then, of course, once I opened it, I saw that it was definitely from you.

I was very excited and decided to write you a letter as well. There is so much to tell, but I literally have no time. I tried to write what I could in this letter, and the rest I shall write later, since right now I have absolutely no more time. It is good, at least, that you have written me a letter. Now I know that you already got married. Even from your previous letters, I knew that you were married, and now I know again: yes, you are definitely married. And I am very glad that you got married and wrote me a letter. As soon as I saw your letter, I thought at once that you got married again. Well, I thought, it is very good that you are married again and wrote to me about it in this letter. Write to me now about your new wife and how it all happened. Please send my greetings to your new wife.


- Daniel Kharms
25 Sept & Oct, 1933